Living the Songs I Write

The tranquil view outside my office window.

God often sends me the heart message: “If you write it: you have to live it.” That is what makes writing Christian songs unique to all other genres of songwriting—we are called to live it. Just as I completed my last song, “Pain Beyond Your Prayers”, I found myself living out a situation that left me with pain way beyond my personal prayer power.

Several weeks ago, I was preparing for a fiddle session with my dear friend Susan Brown. The practice piece had been exhausting and very high-pitched—a certain way to aggravate my Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Suddenly, I awoke on the floor in acute pain. I had no memory of what had happened! After a number of tests, my neurologist suspected that my MS had developed into a seizure disorder. If this were true, I would have to surrender my driver’s license! She also told me to consider moving into the center of Nashville, where public transportation would be more accessible.   

My first reaction was: “Lord, I already have to fight MS!  Wasn’t that enough? Now you are sending me seizures too!” My heart was too full of fear, to know how to pray. All I could do was just sit there and beg for God to understand my silent fears. The only words I could speak were tears.  

My dear friends Joe and Alice Beam.

Not only was I facing a loss of independence, but I was also facing the possible loss of the beautiful place I call home? Moving away, from the tranquility of the mountain views and the garden pond outside my office window? Moving away from my dear friends, Joe and Alice Beam, who had cared for me like their own family? Moving away, from my cul-de-sac where my next-door neighbors include: a psychologist, a medical doctor, and my pastor? Every time I thought of moving, my heart was broken to tears.

The weeks I awaited the tests results were weeks spent in spells of prayers filled with silent tears. Each time I cried, God comforted me with my own song:

These same hands that made you,        
Will get you through this too.
I’m holding a bottle, to catch your every tear. 
Cause that’s how much I care.
When you got pain, 
Pain beyond your prayers.

After two long weeks of waiting, I was declared seizure free. I had suffered a mild concussion that had caused the memory loss. And the fall was due to MS fatigue. 

We songwriters want to reach the world with our song lyrics. But right then, I was the world my song lyrics needed to reach! Once again God was teaching me: “If you write it; you have to live it!”

What about you?  Tell me about a time when you had to live your own song lyrics.  As always, I enjoy hearing your comments and stories.